I want to introduce you to three people. You might recognise them, or they might remind you of someone you know. Their nicknames are Narco, Abas, and Humi. Each one of them are members of families; they have parents, siblings, life-partners, children, friends and workmates.
Narco is a man who you might say is wrapped in himself. His nickname is short for Narcissistic. He is the centre of his own universe. He has an excessive need for admiration and is constantly fishing for compliments from others. He can be dismissive of other’s achievements, impatient with people who seek his attention and totally incapable of empathising with their feelings. Growing up in an average family he attempted to hog the limelight, exaggerate his own abilities and became angry or distressed if he felt ignored. Those he chose to be his friends tended to always have the same need for attention. They were image conscious and obsessed by their appearance. In marriage he focusses on appearances and is sensitive to what others might think of him, his wife and his children. He tends to place a high priority on material possessions. At work he is often unco-operative with peers, rarely gives compliments and is frequently overlooked for promotions even though he has such a high view of his own abilities.
Abas is the opposite to Narco in every respect. His nickname is a shortened form of abasement, or more accurately self-abasement. Aba acknowledges nothing good or likeable about himself. He constantly attempts to devalue himself in the presence of others. He is a loner. As a child he was a follower rather than a leader. His relational style is to self-deprecate, he avoids responsibility, but accepts the blame for mistakes even when it was someone else’s fault. As a husband he seeks to please but cannot receive his partners compliments. As a father he is loving but berates himself for being inadequate. He compares himself negatively with his peers all the time. Some people would call him humble because he never puts himself forward or self-promotes or seeks attention. But he is not humble. He is self-hating and relates to others by self-debasing.
Then there is Humi. Her nickname is a shortened form of humility. Unlike Narco she is not into self-promotion and attention seeking. She is comfortable with who she is. You could even say that in a non-assuming way she loves herself. What is obvious however is that her love and concern for others is greater than her self-love and this is demonstrated by her compassion and generosity toward others. Growing up she was an ordinary fun-loving mischievous child, but her focus was always on including others and her perception of how others felt always seemed to be accurate. When she excelled at school, she was pleased but not boastful. She praised others, encouraged them and was always ready to help. In her teenage years and into her adulthood she did not, like Abas, ever feel the need to put herself down or to downplay her achievements, but she never stopped delighting in the achievements of others. As a spouse and a mother her strongest gifts to her husband and her children are her empathy and her encouragement.
If Narco and Abas sit at the opposite ends of a continuum then Humi sits somewhere comfortably between them. From her we learn that loving who we are does not have to be a negative as it was in Narco’s case. Humility includes self-acceptance and an ability to celebrate our life and achievements, whilst not engaging in self promotion and attention seeking. Humility recognises that who we are and who we continue to become throughout our whole lives is a consequence of living comfortably and gratefully as part of an extended community. Our achievements are the sum of the investments made in our lives by many others since our birth. Humility also sees as its most appropriate expression a commitment to care for others and to always put them ahead of ourselves.
It is helpful to have a model of humility that we can look up to and for the Apostle Paul and many of us, Jesus is the perfect model. Listen to what Paul says about Jesus as an example of humility. “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a servant and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”
That is humility. Complete knowledge of who he was. Supreme confidence in the love of God. Unlimited love for those he came to serve.
God Bless
Graeme