Respect is a values based behaviour

I mentioned last week about being disturbed by the vile attacks made on people who have dissenting views from those held by whoever it is using a social media platform at the time. I am not being over dramatic when I use the word vile because any attack, inspired by disagreement with their beliefs or behaviours, that denigrates a person’s intellect, intentions and sometimes even their families is unacceptable and the maliciousness of their claims and threats, nothing short of abusive.

The truth is that in any healthy society it is appropriate to express alternative positions and ideas or to disagree passionately with opinions we might see as unhelpful, unsubstantiated or even plain wrong. In fact, a democratic society ceases to exist when those freedoms are eliminated. It is the freedom to postulate theories and ideas, and to hold and express beliefs and convictions that leads to all who participate in such an exchange to grow and to reach their potential as persons. However, it seems to me, that it is equally true to say that there are important principles and values that must be embraced if profitable debates are to be encouraged and the less dogmatic and sometimes better informed among us are going to be heard.

The first of these values is the intrinsic value of persons. I find it curious that few people would question the value of a new-born baby, who has never said a word or formed an opinion, but attack the worth of a person they may have never met because they disagree with what they believe or what they have said. When we value every person differently, based on our opinion of their life philosophy, their behaviour, religious views, skin colour, political preferences, gender preference or cultural background, then we have disqualified ourselves from the right to debate their ideas. Many years ago, I embraced the idea that everybody is created in the image of God and every person is worthy of our understanding. From that position it is possible to exchange ideas and debate philosophical positions without either feeling threatened or being a threat.

The second value that enables us to behave positively toward those with which we disagree is compassion. Before you stop reading, let me explain. Few people would disagree with the biblical definition of compassion. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.” I agree this does not sound like the Hollywood version of love. It is possible to feel loved, in a warm cuddly sort of a way, but when it comes to loving it is always a choice we make. Without the willingness to choose to be patient and kind and not boastful or rude then it is probably not possible to engage in any sort of respectful interaction.

The third value is humility. I may know something about what I am passionate about but recognising that I do not know everything there is to know about it, is conducive to respectful debate. In fact, in reading comments on social media recently relating to Covod-19, it occurred to me that the people most likely to admit to not knowing as much about the virus as they would like to know, were the experts. It seemed that what they did know, which is considerable, was just enough to convince them that there was still much to learn. In the meantime, those who are angry about their individual rights being violated had suddenly become our ‘well informed infectious disease experts,’ with opinions so strong that you will challenge them at your peril. To form a hypothesis about something like Covid-19 is one thing, but to deliver it as factual or a theory established on fact, is not only misleading and wrong, but divisive and mischievous and contributes to the breakdown of trust and confidence in the wider community.

There is phrase, attributed to Jesus, who used it to sum up all the commandments “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” That is a very helpful maxim, don’t you think? There are however several different versions of this golden rule. One, that justifies revenge is, “Do to others what they do to you,” Another tongue in cheek version is, “Do others before they do you.” The reason why the golden rule is helpful is that it has the capacity to break a chain of destructive behaviour. This chain of behaviour begins with someone treating us in a way we do not want to be treated. We then respond by treating them in a similar way. Behaviour which is angry, defensive and revengeful feeds on itself and there is no end to it. On the other hand, when we treat or respond to another person with the same understanding, kindness, humility and compassion that we like to receive, it breaks the chain and gives everybody involved the opportunity  to take a different tack.

Living by the golden rule can make us feel vulnerable. Listening to other peoples strongly held opinions, experiencing their anger or their verbal aggression can be anxiety producing. Choosing to listen to and value their opinion whilst at the same time feeling that your opinions, ideas and worth as a person are being undervalued and dismissed is incredibly difficult and seemingly unfair. However, if we stay true to our choice to value them and to respond in humility and compassion, it will in fact contribute to our own sense of worth and might even raise the standard of the discussion. It is a positive choice and next week we are going to reflect on the power of making positive choices.

God Bless

Graeme